Over the course of my life, my father, has always been an active and present part in my life. I have been greatly blessed to have a religious and faithful man providing, presiding, and protecting my family while growing up. Now that I am older, I have come to realize over the years what it meant to have my father living at home with my family and me. His constant presence, example, influence, and love were vital in creating a successful home. Through his example, along with my mothers, I know what it takes to create a loving and successful home were everyone can thrive and feel safe. Without any doubt, fathers are vital in the upbringing of their children and family. Not only is their presence a vital factor, but their active engagement is was builds and sustains strong family relations. There is an organization called, National Fatherhood Initiative, whose main focus is, “to improve the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers.” On their website, Fatherhood.org, there are many interesting articles and research data on how important it really is to have an actively involved father. Their research in fatherless homes presents statistics such as: - Poverty levels are increased four times as likely to happen - Behavioral and aggression are likely to dramatically increase - Child health will decrease - Incarceration and juvenile correction increase (as 39% if jail inmates are from fatherless ones) - Teen pregnancy and sexual activities dramatically increase, fueling the problem of fatherless homes when teenagers bare children in their own fatherless home and now it applies double fold to the child. - Drug and alcohol abuse, child abuse, and food abuse (obesity) increases - Education becomes less of a priority for those in fatherless homes which lead to all of the factors listed above. There is truth in these studies and statistics. I have seen them to be true among friends, peers, coworkers, and even total strangers. It is so important to have the influence of a father in the home, not just a mother. Both the father and the mother have different qualities and roles which help create success in the home for their family. Without one, ultimate success for everyone is nearly impossible. Through my own experience and knowledge, there are at least five important things that fathers must do to be actively involved with their children. 1. Fathers must spend quality time with their children, individually. Quality time meaning putting all your mind and effort into the moment being spent with your children, not looking at the clock; not just sitting together watching television or going for a run with headphones in both ears. Real quality time takes effort. 2. Being part of the pregnancy for all children from the very beginning. Going to all doctor appointments, feeling the wife’s belly, talking to the baby in the belly, having the wife explain how the baby is moving and how that sensation feels, having the father right next to the mother in the delivery room (no one else more important than him in the room). Being a part of the development and delivery will help the father feel and be more connected to the baby, thus being more engaged in the child’s life. 3. Making sure the father is involved in educating the children and making sure they are working hard in school. Also being involved and supportive in extracurricular activities such as sports, the arts, and service projects… Being present to all he can be present too. 4. Being a good person. A father’s example and actions speak louder than words. A man who corrects his own actions and strives to become a better man will have a family which follows in his footsteps. 5. Provide, preside, and protect his family Though no one is perfect, everyone can learn from their mistakes and become better. My father possesses every one of the five important things listed above, but only after much patience, time, hard work, and dedication. Taking a quick walk down memory lane, I want to share just a few things that come to mind when I think of the things that my father has done for me. While passing through my school years, even up through high school, dad would pack my favorite lunch (wheat thins and cheese with an apple, or, peanut butter and jelly with an apple) in a brown paper bag with a girl smiley face on the front. That little extra measure of drawing the smiley face on my lunch bag helped me know every day that he loved me because he took that extra minute to do something special for me. Another meaningful thing my father taught me was the value of hard work and self reliance. He would always tell us to work for the things we have and to not look for free hand outs. “No one gets anywhere in life if they are always looking for a free hand out.” Both my father and mother instilled in all of us the love for country, history (where you come from), and God. A lot of youth today don’t know much about where they have come from, history of this country (or the country they came from), or have a straight path to follow (religiously speaking). Without the influence and example of my father, I would be one of the people who have no passion or appreciation of where I have come from. Through his example, dad made sure I knew that I can be any worthy thing I wanted to be and that he would support me in it. When I wanted to learn to fly, he let me and was there when I first soloed. When I wanted to go into the military to the Naval Academy, he took me to all of my interviews, appointments, and visited me every month to make sure I was doing alright. Perhaps the most important thing my father taught me was have to honor God and be reverent towards sacred things. Now that I am married, our family will be increasing in number soon. Now is the time to think about how I, as a wife and soon to be mother, can make sure that my husband is actively involved in our children’s lives. Lucky for me, my husband was raised in a very religious and father-present home. He knows the importance of a father being present in the lives of his children because he experienced it himself with his own father. There are a few things that I have in mind already that I will be implementing right away once we begin having children and life gets busy with work and school. Just as listed in the five most important things I listed previously, I will make sure my husband is involved in the pregnancy from day one. I will explain to him how I am feeling, how the baby moves, put his hands and head on my belly, bring him to all doctor appointments, and have him right by my side during delivery. I want him to read the children as he tucks them in at night. As my father did with us, I would like my husband to conduct father-child interviews every month in a private area of the house to see how each child is doing in school, with friends, and life in general. As time passes and he gets busy with work and the children busy with school, I want Daddy Lunch Dates to take place where once a month dad will pick up one of the children from school and take them out to lunch so they can bond and spend time with each other in a special way. Those are just a few of many things I want my husband to do with our children. With my help, I will love make sure my husband is as involved with our children as my father was with me. By doing so, our home will be a safe heaven and temple to those who live in it, destined for triumphs, success, and happiness.

The article “Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop?” has some valid points. Even though the author knows and acknowledges that left wing society labels him horrible things, he continues to speak with more traditional views. Left wing supporters think that women who are homemakers are switching their abilities and talented brains for a mop brain. The author of this article opposes this stance and gives logically valid points which counter their argument about homemakers with a mop for a brain. I often wonder how the world has changed so drastically within the past 40-60 years. Oh course the world has constantly been changing and evolving but I think our society and culture has totally changed over the past 40-60 years. Since the beginning of man, men and women have worked side by side to have a family and live. As we are taught in The Proclamation to the World, fathers are tasked with providing, protecting, and presiding for their family while mothers are the primary nurturers. Though the Lord has instilled within men and women to naturally do these things, he also intended us to work together which sometimes means women going out to work and leave her children with her husband or a babysitter. As we are told by the prophets and apostles, it is extremely important to get an education, for both males and females. Even though the church encourages mothers to be home with their children while they are young, everyone has their reasons to do what they do and the church knows that. In the church today, there are many women who are homemakers and many who work outside of the home. I strongly feel that any “intellectually alive” and driven women will not exchange her brain for a mop by being a stay at home mom. On the contrary, I think stay at home moms have opportunities to become even more intellectual and well rounded than those in the work field. As the author mentioned, many stay at home moms listen to talk radio, read newspapers or news sites, watch talk shows and documentaries, as well as participate in communities groups. They know more about the world around them and how to better protect and raise their children with the help of their husbands. I hope that I can be a stay at home mom one day while my children grow so we can learn and grow together. As my children progress throughout their youth, I will want to be right alongside them learning and progressing everyday too. As some people may feel that being a homemaker is a waste of a college education and degree, I disagree to an extent. Homemaker may be a lifelong job but for most others, once children leave the house, mothers can go back into the work field to apply not only their degree but their acquired intelligence and talents throughout their homemaking years. Women who truly value education and learning will never swap their minds for mops by being a homemaker. They will be opening doors to a whole new world full of opportunity and intelligence.

My husband and I always laugh when we hear things about how different men and women are when it comes to sex and motivations for to have it from both parties. In "Becoming One," by Stahmann, Young, and Grover, it talks about how males are like microwaves and how females are like crock-pots. Women do take a lot longer than males to become aroused, continue to become aroused, and be in the mood to have sex. For males, it doesn't take much for them to become arouse and it can be done within a matter of seconds. Females won't want to have intercourse unless they feel safe, close, and connected to their husband. Males are the opposite. They want to have sex in order to feel safe, close, and connected to their wife. How are females and males ever happy if things between them are always in opposite? Maybe they just have to get into a healthy cycle and once they do, there will be balance between them. To start things off, the male needs to treat his wife like a queen and NEVER stop because once he does, the sex will probably slow down due to the wife's needs are not being met.

I wonder what males who sleep around get by just sleeping around. His isn't becoming closer to anyone but himself; prideful and selfish. Why do women do it when they are with lots of men? Is she looking to be close and safe with someone? Or are people just uneducated in this area?

I remember being present for most of my younger brother’s birth and many memories are with me from that August night. I remember my mom having contractions on the hospital bed and the nurse administering a back rub to her lower back. When the nurse left the room, my dad was by my mother’s side trying to pick up where the nurse left off, trying to be nice but my mom didn’t agree. “Mark! You’re not doing it right! Just… don’t touch me!” I remember laughing to myself a little bit while feeling bad for my dad at the same time. Poor husbands, not really knowing what to do but trying to do something to help their wife (at least in my dad’s case).

I have never really thought about it before but I have come to know and strongly desire to include my husband in every stage of pregnancy. Throughout all the doctor appointments, putting his hands on my belly when I feel the baby moving and describing what it feels like, to pick out the baby clothes and toys, being in the hospital with me when I am in labor... the entire, and to help choose the name. When fathers aren’t involved in the process of pregnancy, it doesn’t seem as real to them as it could. By including husbands every step of the way, it helps the bond between spouses become even stronger. The bond with the parents to the baby will be stronger as well, not just the mother to the baby but the father to the baby as well.  I am so grateful that my eyes were opened to this and I am going to make sure my husband is included in all the details of our pregnancies. 

Why is dating and romance so important?

Coming at this topic from an LDS, non bubble Mormon perspective, I think that the information presented to us in class was quite accurate. As many Mormons do, they date and marry quickly, with hardly any time to really get to know each other. Studies show that it takes at least 3 months for people to begin to get to really know each other. “Date with your eyes wide open and once you’re married, live with one eye shut.” I can’t agree with this quote more. When couples are dating, it is so important to leave no big stones left unturned. It is important to have the time to get to know each other and to go on different types of dates, doing different activates all the time (not just watching movies and talking to one another). It is sad to see people getting divorced over things such as “not knowing each other,” or rushing into it because they were wrapped up in the Cinderella story. Being honest with one another and respecting boundaries and limits are crucial to successful dating that leads to a successful marriage.

I am married and I can tell you, it is better to have a longer dating period than an engagement period.

On Fox News the other day, they did a special on why so many young adults, college students especially, are skipping over the steps of dating and courtship and jumping right to sex. Most college students they interviewed said that it was just the way of life now. How sad is that!!! What are parents teaching their children these days? What kind of examples are they to their children? Just horrible! There were a select few that said they missed the romance that used to be involved with dating. 

This week in my Family Relations class, we discussed validity between cultures. Are some cultures more valid than others when it comes to bad and good, right and wrong? My initial reaction and thoughts lead me to say yes but after discussing it more with other people, it is becoming more challenging to deem what is really “bad and good,” and “right and wrong.” And I’m not talking about race or ethnicity when I say culture. Though there are some cultural behaviors that are associated with groups of people of certain races or ethnicity but their culture can reach well beyond their race and ethnicity.

Approaching this question from a Christian point of view, I have to say that not all cultures are equal. I believe that it is hard to base every single culture on a single set of values, especially since each culture has developed according to various values. What may be considered “right” in one society may be viewed as the worst “wrong” in a different society. Because these two parties have been raised differently, they have a different way of judging good from bad, wrong from right, wicked for righteous. Therefore, one must be very careful in determining or saying outright that a culture is wrong or bad or wicked. Before doing so, you must learn more about them and why they think the way that they do.

If we look at patterned throughout history, we can learn and predict possible outcomes by the way cultures shift over time. Almost every culture begins with roots from another culture. They have humble beginnings; thriving villages, towns, cities, countries, and civilizations that prosper and are close nit. As time passes, cultures continue as traditions but begin to have slight tweaks to adjust to the times. Civilizations and countries have fallen to ruin when certain cultural shifts take place.

We must also remember that God only judges us based on the level of light and knowledge we have received. A culture who has no knowledge of the gospel should not be automatically considered wrong, especially since we have no idea how they might act if they did have some knowledge of the gospel. Remember the Anti-Nephi-Lehites? They were the vilest of sinners, until they received knowledge of the gospel. After recognizing the errors of their ways they changed completely and were a perfectly righteous society. They showed that even “bad” cultures can learn and change. Therefore, not all cultures are equal, nor should be considered as being equal, unless they all have the same amount of light and knowledge.

From the beginning of time, within families there has always been some type of phenomenon that shapes and molds them into how and who they are as a family. Every family is different. Every family is unique. But through similar behaviors, theories have been made to help us see how families are molded and shaped into how and who they are. There are four theories that have been formed based on the study of family interaction. They are: family systems theory, exchange theory, symbolic theory, and conflict theory. While some families apply to one theory more than another, other families encompass all of the theories.

Family systems theory is looking at the family as a whole. All individuals in the family make the family what it is. Without one of the family members, the whole dynamic and feeling of that family changes.

Exchange theory is basically like, “What will I get out of it…. What’s in it for me?” Within the family, individuals are always weighing out in their minds what is in it for them, what they will gain by doing (or not doing) something. Cost vs. benefit

Symbolic theory is when meaning is attached to specific things or actions. For example, when siblings put tender notes on each other’s beds with a box / bag of candy, it is their way of saying, “I love you.”

Conflict theory is when differences in wants, ideas, etc, cause change within a family. With power struggles, and leadership.

My husband and I are definitely more symbolic theory.We often have and come up with special meanings in things that we do and they end up having a huge impact on how we identify ourselves as a couple. Like giving each other a kiss after every prayer we say together or whoever cooks dinner doesn’t have to do the dishes afterwards.

What family system can you see in your family?  

Check out these disturbing trends in America about marriage and family:

- Birth rates are decreasing (Which is a huge problem for many reasons, one being social security... It used to be for every one person, thirteen people where contributing to support them. Now it is 1 person to three-seven people. Projected to be 1 to 2.1 in just a short time)

- Age at first marriage is increasing for both men and women (26 years old for females and 28 for males)

- Births to unmarried women is increasing (more than 40% of American births today are from unwed mothers)

- Cohabitation rates are sky high in number

- Mothers with young children working out of the home (leaving children with someone else to be cared for) has increased dramatically

- People living alone has increased 

- Divorce rate is increasing

- Family size is decreasing 

- Premarital sex is seen as no big deal

Which trend to you think is the most significant?..... 

In reality, all of these trend topics are very significant for our country and the world, now, and in the long run. When I look at this list, I think premarital sex leads to most of these problems. Think about it, when the world sees premarital sex as no big deal, there are going to be more out of wedlock births and more mothers leaving their child with someone else so they can work to further their carrier. When couples are sleeping with each other and living with each other, it is most likely that they will get married at a later age or separate. It is a proven fact the couples who live together before marriage are three times more likely to divorce later on down the road. Living along. Family sizes being small.  They are all inter-related! 

Following and studying trends throughout history can help project what is bound to happen. Look back in history to when countries began devaluing the family for what it really is and what it's meant to be... Quick fact, communist countries first become communist be dissolving the idea of family and taking family away. 

Where is the value of children and family disappearing too? Is it because of selfishness? 

This is what it's all about folks! 

This is the day my life changed forever. A huge step that I am so glad I took.

Sterling and I were married on October 5th of 2012 in Salt Lake City.

A boy from Washington and a girl from New York. 

We thank the Lord everyday for the wonderful blessing of marriage (even through the ups and downs).

The Beginning

As requested and required for a class, I have created a blog of my very own. I must admit, I am not a blogger and never thought I would be... but here we go! Who knows, maybe I will become an avid blogger. My goal and hope is that I will be able to convey my thoughts and feelings about the very foundation and fundamentals that helped build our country from the ground up... It all started with families seeking religious freedom. As time goes on, America is moving farther and farther away from the very things that once founded us and kept us strong; the things that will keep us strong are becoming less important. Throughout the next few months, I will be blogging about those fundamental things for us to think about and apply in life again.